Zachariah's Song

By Zach's father Simeon

Zachariah's Song

Here I lie awake, alone, in the dark. Helpless, hopeless, restless. No peace or respite in this house of death. No joy or laughter can be heard. 

Rest and comfort elude me, pain and sickness are my only companions. This life, this body, has failed me, the world has tried in vain to save. 

Men have only succeeded in poisoning me. My blood runs toxic, my vomit burns, and nothing here can help. 

The blood that once carried life to my heart, now only brings decay. The food that once renewed my body, now brings only sicknesses, repulsion, bile.

There is no aid here. Nothing that can calm my sorrow, nothing that can ease my pain. I linger on in weakness, pointless and unending.

My nights are filled with groaning, my days a blur of tears. I have exhausted all crying. I want to play again, to leave these fears.

I must look to heaven, to the twinkling stars that bear your names. For I have nothing left here to call my own, nothing that I want to hold.

God, you have taken this life, you have not spared my suffering, have not eased my pain. You have not given me care, or shown me renewal.

Yet this is the way it was meant to be. This is how it is, and nobody, but you, can change this. I cannot rage for lack of strength and will.

Who else can I turn to? Where else can I go? There are no answers here, no cure, no help. I'm compelled, drawn to your pierced feet. Your bloody hands.

There is no love that can cross this chasm, but yours. No hope that outlasts a heartbeat, but yours. No faith that holds, but yours.

So I must put my hope in you. I must put my life in your hands. I must trust in your rest, because there is so little left here, there may as well be none at all.

I wait for you. A journey I make alone, with the multitude. A destination without end. A life I have not known. New, free, good.

Zach

My very good friend's little boy was diagnosed with cancer June last year. He bravely fought and smiled his way through many nasty and difficult times. He is such a strong and brave child! After 7ish months of hospital time he came home and spent a little over a month at his home, but now has come out of remission.

There are few options left. He can have vigorous chemotherapy in hope that it will fix him, or have less vigorous chemo to give him "quality of life" in his last days. This is such a difficult time for his family, particularly his parents who have to make the decision.

I ask that everyone spend a few moments in prayer pleading with God for wisdom, anwers to tough decisions, HEALING for little Zach and GRACE to make it through this heartbreaking time.

It is not difficult to ask God in faith and confidence that He hears us. It is ALL we can do.

This is the email that Zach's grandparents sent around this morning:

Dear friends,

Zach went into the Children's Hospital on 12  June 2010 with stage 5 Burkits Lymphoma resulting in a protracted period  of Chemotherapy. Zach has had numerous operations on his little body to remove cancerous lymph nodes in his abdomen, spinal punches every day  for 3 months, a brain shunt, central feed line and drip line inserted  into his chest cavity and recently a colostomy bag because of bowel  damage as a result of the toxicity effects from the chemo. During his stay in hospital Zach turned 3 years old and we and he enjoyed a happy birthday party along with all the other cancer kids. He and the family  had the pleasure to return home for a three week period over Christmas  returning to the hospital in January and February for a few days of  chemo.

Zach is an incredibly brave boy for a 3 year old to go through all this with little complaining. He prays always for all his friends that he made while in the hospital.

Last week  he had to have another blood transfusion and then returned again to Randwick in Sydney. Today he had a cell test to see if there were any cancer cells in his spinal fluid. Unfortunately, there is really bad news, Zach has had a relapse and has a high count of cancer cells in his spinal fluid. There are now few options left for his treatment except more vigorous chemotherapy with all the complications that come from this including more ulcerations and possible brain damage. Alternatively, a chemo maintenance program to maximize his quality of life and to keep him comfortable so he can enjoy what little time he has left to live.

Please pray now for Simeon and Sarah that they might make the right and wisest decisions about what is the best thing to do for Zach. They are in a great deal of grief about this and do not know what to do. Thank you for all your prayers and concerns, this may also again end up in a protracted period of treatment.

A piece from my study reading

I came across these while I was studying today. I found them really interesting, so thought I would share : )

There is a fragile element with the notion we call 'informed choice'...Embracing uncertainty sometimes brings a sense of calm...this is not about engendering a passive fatalism but more about enabling childbearing women to learn to trust that they will cope with whatever comes their way. Working through these issues is particularly important in a culture that privileges the notions of 'choice' and 'control'.                                                               Nicky Leap 2000


Coming from a non-Christian I find this an interesting quote.


Moral life does not conveniently organise itself into deeds that can be performed, issues that can be decided, or problems that can be solved. Character comes from living. It is an ever-evolving and habituated sensitivity.                                                            Faye E Thompson 2004

And this I love!

Long before history began we men have got together apart from the women and done things. We had time.                                                                                        C. S. Lewis

It's been a while...

Hi everyone!

It has been so long that I don't think I even know how to blog anymore (not that I probably did in the first place). I thought I would post something (nothing) so that I might get back into the swing of things. Not sure that this will work, but you never know : )

I have been able to breathe more this year so far compared to last year, hoping that things will stay this way! If they do, then I might actually get more time to blog. So far I have been using my extra time to volunteer for Church rosters, read AMAZING books and spend more time with the family. I am also babysitting half a day a week and will start back at the nursing home casually after 6 months break. I am really looking forward to having more than $11 in my bank account!

I am being trained up at Church in the sound system, and will help with set up and pack up in our new Church Hall. We had to move from the Church building as we grew out of it, which makes for a fair bit of extra work to do every week, as we have to totally pack up everything and take it away each week. But so far 3 weeks into it we are going alright. It isn't as nice as being in our Church building as it is large, cold and impersonal; but it does mean that we can chat to everyone and not trip over everyone's feet! It has been nice, just hope that it all becomes a little easier soon.

I  read the Harry Potter series while in Tasmania (which I love!), Edmund Spenser's "Faery Queen": amazing and beautiful! I have been reading Oscar Wilde's plays and children's stories and some poetry. And a lot of Midwifery books of course : ) My friend whose birth I recently was privileged to attend has been lending me books from her vast library. So I have read "Pushed" (which was excellent) amongst others, and am starting "Calm Birth" which looks pretty good so far. I love reigniting my passion for Midwifery with books, seems to me to combine 2 passions wonderfully!

Right now at uni we are all trying very hard to recruit our 20 continuity women for this year. I had 11 but 3 have moved out of Canberra, so am down to 8. All the Booking in visits I have done at the hospitals (each taking approx 1.5hrs) have proven fairly disappointing as the women are asked at the end of each of these visits whether they want a midwifery student to follow their pregnancy through, and most of the women are saying no to me. So just have to keep attending visit after visit until I am able to get up 20. What is lovely is that I am able to take 5 women through the birth centre, I am so loving that!

So, I hope to post randomly throughout this year, keeping myself as well as anyone who is even remotely interested up to date with the life of me : )