Zachariah's Song

By Zach's father Simeon

Zachariah's Song

Here I lie awake, alone, in the dark. Helpless, hopeless, restless. No peace or respite in this house of death. No joy or laughter can be heard. 

Rest and comfort elude me, pain and sickness are my only companions. This life, this body, has failed me, the world has tried in vain to save. 

Men have only succeeded in poisoning me. My blood runs toxic, my vomit burns, and nothing here can help. 

The blood that once carried life to my heart, now only brings decay. The food that once renewed my body, now brings only sicknesses, repulsion, bile.

There is no aid here. Nothing that can calm my sorrow, nothing that can ease my pain. I linger on in weakness, pointless and unending.

My nights are filled with groaning, my days a blur of tears. I have exhausted all crying. I want to play again, to leave these fears.

I must look to heaven, to the twinkling stars that bear your names. For I have nothing left here to call my own, nothing that I want to hold.

God, you have taken this life, you have not spared my suffering, have not eased my pain. You have not given me care, or shown me renewal.

Yet this is the way it was meant to be. This is how it is, and nobody, but you, can change this. I cannot rage for lack of strength and will.

Who else can I turn to? Where else can I go? There are no answers here, no cure, no help. I'm compelled, drawn to your pierced feet. Your bloody hands.

There is no love that can cross this chasm, but yours. No hope that outlasts a heartbeat, but yours. No faith that holds, but yours.

So I must put my hope in you. I must put my life in your hands. I must trust in your rest, because there is so little left here, there may as well be none at all.

I wait for you. A journey I make alone, with the multitude. A destination without end. A life I have not known. New, free, good.

Zach

My very good friend's little boy was diagnosed with cancer June last year. He bravely fought and smiled his way through many nasty and difficult times. He is such a strong and brave child! After 7ish months of hospital time he came home and spent a little over a month at his home, but now has come out of remission.

There are few options left. He can have vigorous chemotherapy in hope that it will fix him, or have less vigorous chemo to give him "quality of life" in his last days. This is such a difficult time for his family, particularly his parents who have to make the decision.

I ask that everyone spend a few moments in prayer pleading with God for wisdom, anwers to tough decisions, HEALING for little Zach and GRACE to make it through this heartbreaking time.

It is not difficult to ask God in faith and confidence that He hears us. It is ALL we can do.

This is the email that Zach's grandparents sent around this morning:

Dear friends,

Zach went into the Children's Hospital on 12  June 2010 with stage 5 Burkits Lymphoma resulting in a protracted period  of Chemotherapy. Zach has had numerous operations on his little body to remove cancerous lymph nodes in his abdomen, spinal punches every day  for 3 months, a brain shunt, central feed line and drip line inserted  into his chest cavity and recently a colostomy bag because of bowel  damage as a result of the toxicity effects from the chemo. During his stay in hospital Zach turned 3 years old and we and he enjoyed a happy birthday party along with all the other cancer kids. He and the family  had the pleasure to return home for a three week period over Christmas  returning to the hospital in January and February for a few days of  chemo.

Zach is an incredibly brave boy for a 3 year old to go through all this with little complaining. He prays always for all his friends that he made while in the hospital.

Last week  he had to have another blood transfusion and then returned again to Randwick in Sydney. Today he had a cell test to see if there were any cancer cells in his spinal fluid. Unfortunately, there is really bad news, Zach has had a relapse and has a high count of cancer cells in his spinal fluid. There are now few options left for his treatment except more vigorous chemotherapy with all the complications that come from this including more ulcerations and possible brain damage. Alternatively, a chemo maintenance program to maximize his quality of life and to keep him comfortable so he can enjoy what little time he has left to live.

Please pray now for Simeon and Sarah that they might make the right and wisest decisions about what is the best thing to do for Zach. They are in a great deal of grief about this and do not know what to do. Thank you for all your prayers and concerns, this may also again end up in a protracted period of treatment.

A piece from my study reading

I came across these while I was studying today. I found them really interesting, so thought I would share : )

There is a fragile element with the notion we call 'informed choice'...Embracing uncertainty sometimes brings a sense of calm...this is not about engendering a passive fatalism but more about enabling childbearing women to learn to trust that they will cope with whatever comes their way. Working through these issues is particularly important in a culture that privileges the notions of 'choice' and 'control'.                                                               Nicky Leap 2000


Coming from a non-Christian I find this an interesting quote.


Moral life does not conveniently organise itself into deeds that can be performed, issues that can be decided, or problems that can be solved. Character comes from living. It is an ever-evolving and habituated sensitivity.                                                            Faye E Thompson 2004

And this I love!

Long before history began we men have got together apart from the women and done things. We had time.                                                                                        C. S. Lewis

It's been a while...

Hi everyone!

It has been so long that I don't think I even know how to blog anymore (not that I probably did in the first place). I thought I would post something (nothing) so that I might get back into the swing of things. Not sure that this will work, but you never know : )

I have been able to breathe more this year so far compared to last year, hoping that things will stay this way! If they do, then I might actually get more time to blog. So far I have been using my extra time to volunteer for Church rosters, read AMAZING books and spend more time with the family. I am also babysitting half a day a week and will start back at the nursing home casually after 6 months break. I am really looking forward to having more than $11 in my bank account!

I am being trained up at Church in the sound system, and will help with set up and pack up in our new Church Hall. We had to move from the Church building as we grew out of it, which makes for a fair bit of extra work to do every week, as we have to totally pack up everything and take it away each week. But so far 3 weeks into it we are going alright. It isn't as nice as being in our Church building as it is large, cold and impersonal; but it does mean that we can chat to everyone and not trip over everyone's feet! It has been nice, just hope that it all becomes a little easier soon.

I  read the Harry Potter series while in Tasmania (which I love!), Edmund Spenser's "Faery Queen": amazing and beautiful! I have been reading Oscar Wilde's plays and children's stories and some poetry. And a lot of Midwifery books of course : ) My friend whose birth I recently was privileged to attend has been lending me books from her vast library. So I have read "Pushed" (which was excellent) amongst others, and am starting "Calm Birth" which looks pretty good so far. I love reigniting my passion for Midwifery with books, seems to me to combine 2 passions wonderfully!

Right now at uni we are all trying very hard to recruit our 20 continuity women for this year. I had 11 but 3 have moved out of Canberra, so am down to 8. All the Booking in visits I have done at the hospitals (each taking approx 1.5hrs) have proven fairly disappointing as the women are asked at the end of each of these visits whether they want a midwifery student to follow their pregnancy through, and most of the women are saying no to me. So just have to keep attending visit after visit until I am able to get up 20. What is lovely is that I am able to take 5 women through the birth centre, I am so loving that!

So, I hope to post randomly throughout this year, keeping myself as well as anyone who is even remotely interested up to date with the life of me : )

Here's Cheers to Queanbeyan Midwives

Here's cheers to Queanbeyan midwives

BY ERIKA SEYMOUR

06 May, 2010 02:38 PM

SPECIALISED CARE: Clinical midwife specialist Cathy Carter, midwife Carla Santarossa and intern Karli Axelby say midwives are important in pregnancy, birth and post-natal care.

The dedicated team at Queanbeyan Hospital's low risk birthing unit didn't stop to celebrate International Midwives Day this week.

But the Age stopped in to talk about the important role the unit has in everything from pregnancy and birth to post-natal care.

Clinical midwife specialist Cathy Carter said many people did not know midwives had a specialised role.

``There's a lot of autonomy in the profession. Our focus is wellness, not sickness,'' she said.

``We have a share-care model with GPs so women get to know their midwives. This has very good outcomes.''
As the Queanbeyan unit is smaller than ones in larger cities mothers get plenty of support. Many travel from Canberra to give birth in the unit.

``They like the personal care, and they have their own rooms here. Most public hospitals have share rooms,'' she said.

``We are involved in the birthing process from start to finish, unlike larger hospitals where midwives are posted to a particular section, for instance post-natal.

``Here we cover the whole lot. For young nurses it's a great educational experience.''

Karli Axelby, 21, of Canberra is experiencing that learning curve first-hand.

She's currently spending three weeks in the unit as part of her studies.

``I'm in my second year at Canberra university studying a Bachelor of Midwifery,'' she said.

``I love being around babies. I didn't know what the course would be like until after my first day but I just loved it.''

Miss Axelby said so far work experience had been great.

``Everyone is so supportive,'' she said.

At university, her peer group includes mature age students, people with adult children, and a few young people.

'`They aren't any men in my year,'' she said.

The course is new in the scheme of midwifery.

``The age of midwives is moving up so they're desperately trying to get more women into it,'' Mrs Carter said.

``In response to that there's now a direct course people can do rather than having to be a registered nurse first then study midwifery.''

The midwifery specialist said research on the benefits of midwifery was very positive.

``For women the unit is essential we certainly have a bond with women,'' Mrs Carter said.
The unit has 25 nurses in total, ranging from casual, part time and full time positions.

One program run by the unit is Midcall where midwives visit homes of new mothers and offer support to the family.

Taking a look around the tea room it's easy to see their work is appreciated.

It's filled with flowers and chocolates from thankful families.

``Many community groups also regularly donate cakes, rugs and hand-sewn blankets,'' Mrs Carter said.

Another program on offer through the unit is a four week birthing and parent class.

In addition there are dieticians on hand to offer healthy eating and pregnancy advice.

``Women who come to the unit have access to a lot of information and advice.

``We cater for everyone; young mothers, mothers having their second and third child and so on,'' she said.
``The size of our unit means we're flexible to various parents' needs.''
Mrs Carter said the birth rate in Queanbeyan was increasing.

Wow!

Read this article on Marriage:

Marriage weathers icy blasts

"Regardless of Hollywood pessimism, a generation that has felt first-hand the effects of marriage breakdown and instability is embracing the institution afresh.

"Instinctively they know the truth of what C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity:


''If you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned person for the rest of your life. It is because so few people understand this that you find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons ought to be appearing and new doors opening all round them.''

Miranda Devine

This doll has serious issues!

"Scout's honour: to salute a literary masterpiece" SMH

Scout's honour: to salute a literary masterpiece
April 3, 2010 ’’I got back and it was like, ‘Oh, Lord only knows what that child has learnt out there in Hollywood’’ ... Mary Badham as Scout, with Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird.

After 50 years the Mockingbird still sings, writes Warwick McFadyen.

'Darling, I'm so sorry, you probably got up at the crack of dawn. We're dealing with major snow here and today was my last day before I fly out, and so I was trying to get everything taken care of. I've been digging for two days, busted up my knee and my shoulders, but anyway ..."

The voice on the line is apologetic, having missed the agreed interview time by four hours. The voice is from Richmond, Virginia, deep in snow and ice, frozen over by winter storms. It belongs to Mary Badham, who, as Jean Louise Finch, better known and loved as Scout, has to many become frozen in time for her role in To Kill a Mockingbird.

Badham grew up in Birmingham, Alabama. Fifty years ago, the city was a synonym for racial injustice, its streets battlegrounds for riots. An image of a police dog attacking an African-American circled the world and became a de facto portrait of the city.

In her youthful innocence, Badham played a part in confronting the racism with her role in Mockingbird. Her portrayal of Scout resonated with millions.

It still does. And she still responds to it as strongly as she did as a 10-year-old in 1962 when, for three months, she became Jean Louise Finch, daughter of Atticus.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the publication of To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. The novel is one of publishing's global phenomenons, selling an estimated 30 million copies. It won the Pulitzer Prize, and is one of the best-loved works in literature.

Lee said in 1964: "I never expected any sort of success with Mockingbird. I didn't expect the book to sell in the first place. I was hoping for a quick and merciful death at the hands of reviewers."

And with that, Lee all but vanished from public view, becoming, with the recently departed J.D.Salinger, one of the most famous intensely private people in the literary world.

If Lee is the reclusive keeper of the flame, then Badham is the enthusiastic torchbearer, albeit through film. To Kill a Mockingbird was nominated for eight Academy Awards and won three: best actor to Gregory Peck as Atticus, best screenplay to Horton Foote, and best cinematography/art direction. Badham was nominated for best supporting actress; she lost to Patty Duke but it didn't faze her. She wasn't into movies and was more like Scout. "We read books on rainy days, we went outside and played when it wasn't."

One book she didn't read was Mockingbird. That came many years later, and only then because a professor asked her to do an English literature class on the novel. "I had not wanted to go there. I had everything I wanted right up there in my little memory, which was fine," she says.
But when she did open the covers, the little world of Maycomb that had been defined by the film grew bigger, the characters and their relationships deeper and wider. "It was so interesting," she says. "It expanded the knowledge of everybody so much, it was fascinating. There were all these characters I didn't know anything about; the whole friendship with Calpurnia [the African-American housekeeper] – going to church with her."

Badham could identify with this. The Badhams had an African-American helper to raise six generations of family. Of the episode in the book of going to Calpurnia's church: "Well, we did that when we were kids."

What they wouldn't have been allowed to do was share a seat on a bus with an African-American. "When I grew up in Birmingham," she says, "black people still rode at the back of the bus. They still had to drink out of the coloureds-only water fountains and use their own rest-rooms."

Badham says the filmmakers were doing a "cattle call across the south" and wanted "children of the south who could speak with a true southern accent". They were taken to Hollywood and Maycomb was created on the studio backlots.

The west coast was an eye-opener for an Alabama schoolgirl. People lived in mixed-race relationships and Badham learnt that "there was a whole different world out there and not everybody thinks the way they do down there [the south]". When she returned to Birmingham, she couldn't fit in.

"The Badhams were founding fathers of Birmingham. My dad was a general in the air force, and really well thought of; I had been welcomed into the best homes in Birmingham. Well, then I got back and it was like, 'Oh, Lord only knows what that child has learnt out there in Hollywood."'
What she did find in Hollywood were friendships that endured, most notably with the film's biggest star, Gregory Peck. "He was a wonderful, wonderful human being," she recalls. What people saw on the screen is what they got off-screen.

Too familiar to call him Mr Peck and too young to call him Greg, Badham says, "Atticus it was for him and Scout it was for me, and that's how it stayed. We were really, really close."

Through the years that bond stayed strong. "It was like a family," she says, "and I don't know of any other film where you can say that the people kept up with each other and would take the time to call one another or if they were in the same town to see one another.
"It was nothing for me to pick up the phone and it would be Atticus on the other end of the line, saying 'Watcha doin', kiddo?' And that meant a lot to me."

Memorising screenwriter Horton Foote's lines hadn't been a problem for Badham until she realised the adventure was about to end. There was one scene to go, the pivotal moment outside the jail where Atticus was guarding his client Tom Robinson against a lynch mob. Scout and her film brother Jem (Phillip Alford) were there to see what all the fuss was about. It was Scout who turned the crowd around with her wide-eyed innocence in speaking to one of them. But Badham faltered.

"That was the last scene that we shot and I knew that after that I would have to say goodbye to all these people that I had fallen in love with, and I didn't want to say goodbye," she says.
"I hadn't had any trouble up to that point, and then all of a sudden I started stumbling and bumbling. Finally Mr Mulligan [the director] called 'cut'. My mum took me back to the trailer and she's like, 'Young lady, you better get your lines right and you better do this scene because you know what the freeways are like at five o'clock and these people want to go home,' and I'm like, 'OK,' and I go out and do the scene."

While time has not dented her love for all things Mockingbird, it has taken its toll. "I can't watch it any more, I just can't. It's so upsetting because nearly everyone is gone," she says.

Source: watoday.com.au

1st year of Midwifery done and dusted

Wow! The first year of midwifery is over!

Well, almost. I do have half an afternoon of class to go to on Wednesday, some revision of pharmacology, and most exciting of all, an extra continuity experience with a woman who is having twins in late January!

I haven't posted up the stories of the last 5 continuity experiences I had. I got really busy with uni, writing essays and horrible things like that! My 6th woman had an elective Cesarean, she had an allergic reaction to the morphine in her spinal block, so that wasn't at all pleasant. Also the midwives were really rude and ordered me and her mother out of the postnatal room later on; I was not impressed. Neither was Jenny my course coordinator. The 7th was another elective Cesarean, that went really smoothly. The 8th was an induction as there was meconium stains in the liquor. That birth was totally amazing! She was given the lowest dose of synto to start off labour, and 75mins later she was handed her baby! I love births like that : )

Unfortunately, I missed the last two births. I had to work when the 9th women was birthing, she reported having a lovely birth! I was able to be present during the labour of the 10th woman, but then had to take Mum and Dad to the airport when they were going away up to the Gold Coast, so missed that birth as well.

I have been attending fortnightly visits with the woman who is having twins. She is really well, just feeling H.U.G.E! I am really looking forward to her labour and birth. I won't be able to do much by way of getting in there and helping because there will be a consultant, neo-reg and a couple of midwives; I am last on the pecking line! But I get to see amazing things : )

This photo was taken at our end-of-year dinner that we students planned as a thank-you for our wonderful teachers.

It was a fantastic night. We saw a slide-show of the year. Heard speeches. Gave flowers and gifts to our teachers. And presented them also with a quilt that many of the students contributed to by decorating a square. N. and I put the quilt together and in the end it looked fabulous!

It has been a fantastic year. I am a looking forward to next year in some ways, and kind of sad also that it will be different. We will be spending 24hours a week in the hospitals doing rotations of all the wards and antenatal clinics and neonatal special care nursery. That will be pretty full on. But we also do not get to do any continuity, so that's really sad.

Hopefully I will get to posting up more regularly next year. I am sure there will be lots to talk about!

Re: my fourth birth...upright position and estimated blood loss

Catherine commented on my fourth birth post, asking:
I was interested to hear about women bleeding more readily when they give birth on their knees - I have for all three and never had that problem, except for the first but that was most likely because of the length of the second stage.

I replied:
I am not entirely sure Cath, Mum said she had the same experiences as you so that's two (actually many more!) stories against one : ) It is highly likely that I misunderstood, or that the midwife was speaking only from her experience ??


Later on though I was required to do some specific reading around birth, and came across these comments on birth position and estimated blood loss:

"Blood loss appears to be higher following upright birth (Gupta et al 2004), but this may be due to the ease of measuring blood loss when upright."

• Chapman, V & Charles, C (eds) 2009, The Midwife's Labour and Birth Handbook, 2nd edn, Wiley-Blackwell, West Sussex

"Gupta and Nikodem (2000) undertook a meta-analysis of controlled studies of positions in the second stage of labour.

They noted that in all the parameters they assessed except one, a policy of upright positions led to benefits for women.

The exception was an increased risk of estimated blood loss above 500mL.

In interpreting these findings, it should be noted that 'upright' included kneeling, squatting, sitting, use of a birthing stool/chair, and use of lateral tilt, while 'recumbent' included on the back, lithotomy stirrups, lateral (without the tilt) recumbent and semi-recumbent.

It has also been observed that where maternal preference was elicited, the most frequent positive responses were from those women who had used an upright position (Sleep et al 1989)."

• Henderson, C & Macdonald, S 2009, Mayes’ midwifery: A textbook for midwives, 13th edn, Baillière Tindall, Edinburgh

Hopefully that is a lot clearer than my first reply!